Ah what a line. It is one of those Shakespearian gems guaranteed to make school boys snigger and young girls blush.

It of course refers to the drawing of swords and a pending fight between members of the Montague and Capulet families. It does not mean you should whip your knob out and set about beating your opponent down with it, no one really thinks that… do they?

Well. It seems somebody did.

Lets play some

Street Fucker!

Oh yeah! That’s no typo, this is Street Fucker for the Sega Mega Drive. A game where men with five foot long cocks get naked in the street and bash it out to see who has the biggest balls!

Now the first thing you must do is select your character from the Choose A Fucker screen. This is just the same as any character select screen, apart from the fact it consists entirely of naked men with massive boners. Apart from that it is exactly the same as say Street Fighter. It was a close call between Jisum Jeff and  Blowjob Bob, but I made the right call and went with Bob.

The game play is quite literally cock! You have two modes of attack. One being to hit your opponent with your impressive erection and the other being to, well, how can I put this? Cum on him! Yep that’s the one, the good old cum shot.

The cock fights take place out the front of  a series of wonderfully named buildings. The names range from the relatively sedate Stud Stable to the outrageously hilarious Happy Scrotum! I wonder what goes on in there?

In order to complete this game you must survive a number of rounds against various naked well endowed, and somewhat irate men. Dodging semen like the matrix and pumping faster than a well-trained SPAS-12 operator you will make your way to the top and be crowned the Barbarian of Bollocks and a true master (bator) of the cock!

It is at this stage, when your enemies lay broken and covered in nut juice around you, that you are greeted with the best completion screen ever…

It’s not even centred!

God damn it! That’s 20 minutes of my life I could have used on something else involving penis…