Which is Better?

Here at the UCHG we don’t shy away from tough questions and controversy. We prefer to tackle these kinds of things head on and do our best to avoid coming across as sexist, racist, homophobic and sometimes even gingerist. This is why once the question was raised we got Brad straight on it! And so…

Which is better? Home Alone on the SNES or a Basil plant?

Background

Home Alone for the SNES is a game based around the 1990’s film starring Macaulay (name like a sexually transmitted disease) Culkin and Joe Pesci. It was released in 1992 and has you play as Kevin McCallister, or that little blonde twat as I like to call him. The idea of the game is to gather up all of your prized and valuable positions and put them in a safe before the Wet Bandits can get them. This is achieved by simply collecting up the items in your rucksack and dropping them down a chute to the basement. Once all of the items are in the basement you must head down there and avoid the bats, rats and ghosts then defeat the spider king. Oh yes that’s right the spider king, you know, the one from the film!

The Basil is of the culinary herb persuasion and is about 6 weeks old. It is in fact a Sweet Basil plant and lives on the windowsill in the kitchen. Basil is thought to have first been grown around 5,000 years ago and the Romans thought it would only grow if you screamed wild curses whilst sowing the seeds. They also believed if you where to leave a basil leaf under a pot, it would turn into a scorpion! This particular Basil plant requires watering every now and again and has a lovely distinctive smell. The idea is that you pick its leaves and eat them. Or turn them into scorpions.

Game play

The controls in Home Alone are pretty straightforward and make for some smooth game play. You simply have basic movement controls as well as a change weapon button, fire, jump, and crouch. The jump button is probably the most important. It is much easier to just jump over your enemies rather then shoot them with your water pistol. The water pistol is wholly pointless and only makes the bad guys bend over. This leaves you no choice but to jump them. However once you have gathered all the items form the first part of level 1 it does get extremely repetitive! All of the remaining 3 levels, and their bosses, are exactly the same in terms of game play. Yes the backgrounds may change but the relentless and tedious routine of finding items and putting them in the safe continues. There is nothing else to do but make men bend over and put things in a safe. This continues over 4 levels and takes around half an hour to finish the game. It truly has about as much replay value as stepping in dog shit, once you have done it you tend to avoid doing it again.

Basil on the other hand doesn’t really have any controls or game play. It just needs some water every now and again and tends to grow towards the sun. It is however considered to be a great protector in Haiti and some extreme Romans believed that even smelling the leaves would cause scorpions to grow in your brain! It does have tremendous replay value as the tasty, tender leaves grow back and they can be used in a huge amount of various delicious meals.

Graphics

Seeing as it is a SNES game, Home Alone’s graphics were always going to be good. The levels have a nice amount of colour and detail, and the animations are smooth and responsive. The characters have enough definition to be recognisable – although the enemies have more detail then Kevin. The game does fall down slightly with some dodgy pixilated cut scenes between levels and the most hilarious death screen ever! When you lose a life you are presented with an image of a seemingly naked Culkin screaming and holding his face! Why? Who knows… maybe it was one for Michael Jackson?

The Basil has a sumptuous light green color and a fine display of both large and small leaves. It brings a somewhat homely feel to the kitchen and a professional touch to dishes when used as a garnish. What it lacks in animation and effects it makes up for by turning tomatoes and mozzarella into a delightful salad.

Sound

In a word bollocks! The music in this game makes you want to die. Its irritating simple little tune repeats over and over again. The only variation you get is when you enter certain rooms the music does change but you are only in these rooms for mere seconds. The only good sound effect in this game is the noise made by Marv when he falls over some toys! But that is still not good enough to save it. If you can make it past the second level without violently striking the mute button you are a better man than I!

By comparison the Basil is a very quiet plant. It does rustle if the wind picks up but being inside this is very rare. However if you place it next to some speakers loudly playing a Disturbed album it sounds awesome!

Conclusion

If you are looking for a simple but well executed side scroller that you will only play once with no sound, then Home Alone is the game for you. If you want something that will provide you with a tasty ingredient, turn into a scorpion and protect you from evil then you need Basil.

Overall the Basil is far superior to Home Alone. It is far less irritating, it sounds much better and it can be mixed with tomatoes and garlic to make pasta sauce. Home Alone sadly has nothing to offer this world and should be dragged behind a fast-moving car until it is no more.

To sum up let me put it like this.

If a Romanian girl gives you a copy of Home Alone are you engaged? You are if she gives you a sprig of Basil. I rest my case.