England 5 – Germany 1

After watching the routine defeat of the English football team at the hands of the evil Germans the question was asked.

Is it even possible that England can beat Germany?

Well there is only one way to find out…

It was decided that England shall play Germany in every football game the UCHG owns on all formats!

The rules were simple.

1) The games must be played in order of old to new

2) The games will be played in order until England win

3) All matches will have 10 minuet halves and be played on medium

4) Rob Green will not be in goal… ever again

First up was good old FIFA 95 on the Sega Mega Drive. After wrestling with only 3 buttons to execute over a million different actions, and the players obsession with overhead kicks, this encounter with Gerry lead to a rather embarrassing 6-0 defeat.

Next up it was International Superstar Soccer 64 or ISS 64 or Incredible Shity Soccer 64. This game features such great commentary as “defender passes to forward” and possibly the worst control setup in the world ever! How do you cross? can you even cross? and why are Germany so good in this? After a 20 minuet battle the score was a nail bitingly close 4-2 to Germany.

With Germany now winning 10-2 on aggregate the task of delivering an England victory fell into the hands of Pro Evolution Soccer 2 on the PS2. It could have been worse it could have fallen into the hands of Rob Green. England rained shots down upon the German goal and pulled out a 1-0 lead before the half time whistle. It was however not enough and the Germans, fueled on half time oranges, stormed out in the second half scoring 3 goals. No mater how hard they tried England could not get Seamen on the ball and the final score was Germany 3 England 2.

Now tired and beaten down Brad and Ross were beginning to wonder if it was possible to beat the Bosh and pull out that much-needed win. Turning to PES 2008 on the PS2 things were starting to look up when Peter Crouch appeared in the line up! At half time England were 3-0 up and had 22 shots over Germany’s 3.

During the second half the barrage of shots continued and England won the game with a mighty 5 goals to 1. The Germans were defeated!

So it would seem that if England ever wants to beat Germany they should just play them at PES 2008 on PS2 it even comes with internet play so they will save money flying abroad to get thier asses kicked.