The culmination of our look at scary games; and what else could it be but Condemned: Criminal Origins? Unanimously voted by us as the scariest game ever created, there’s so much that’s unforgettable about Condemned; and yet, there’s a new scare every time it’s played. Who cares that the sequel never came to PC, when the first one was that good.

What freaked you out the most?

This week has been one of those weeks. It has been a week that has borne witness to the final issue of the greatest PC games mag in the world, the mighty PC Zone. It was a week that looked set to start with two days off and some of the best weather August has seen this year, until I got a cold!

Not just any cold mind you. Oh no. This cold was a mean son of a bitch, a good old fashioned head cold. The type that blocks up your ears making everything sound like it would if Ruth Jones were sat on your face. This cold also came with a cough that was designed to keep me awake all night making a sound that, to any passers by, would have given the impression I was trying to force a cucumber down my throat. It is safe to say that this cold was so bad it even made AIDS look appealing.

After I had resided to the fact that this illness was going to make it difficult to go out in the blissful weather without coughing up yellow slime on complete strangers. I decided I would spend my free time playing the new Mafia 2 game on my PC. I hauled my diseased self over to my PC and got ready for some 1940’s gangster fun.

As the game involves both third person action and driving I plugged in my game pad and opted the pad for driving, keyboard and mouse for killing. The ultimate set up! This setup was however short lived as for some reason or other my pad would not work. After fiddling about with the calibration settings and checking the USB connection I tried again. Nothing! and just like Mick Jagger said I could get no satisfaction! Now mildly confused and, due to a recent sneezing fit deaf in my left ear, I decided to consult the internet. After sifting through countless images of semi naked people I discovered that my trusted game pad was incompatible.

Incompatible! What the hell is up with that! I have never plugged a game into a NES or a Playstion and been told the controller was incompatible. It’s just some buttons! Some buttons I press to make things happen. How the hell is that not compatible? Is that not the basis for all controllers? I have had my controller for well over 5 years and the idea of replacing him was, to be honest, a bit upsetting. We have completed NFSU, NFSU2 and NFSMW together. Torn through all of the Lego Star Wars games, won the World Cup and the Stanly Cup many times over and now it was time to upgrade. It was like losing a loyal pet, and by loosing I mean having them put down for biting the neighbor. Sure it is wrong but that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with the animal!

Having only a day left of my free time I decided to support the high street and risk covering a sales assistant in bioluminescent goo. I knew which pad I wanted, a Saitek P990, and I headed off to the nearest stockist to pick it up. After entering a number of computer retailers I still had no pad. It was becoming increasingly apparent that if I wanted to buy a “compatible” game pad it would have to be an Xbox 360 controller. I consulted Ross on this and after he offered to set me on fire and shoot me with a shotgun if I got any worse he agreed that the Xbox 360 controller was indeed the future. This saddens me. It seems every platform of gaming out there gets its own controller whilst the PC is left with hand me downs from Microsoft. Further more it is a little known fact that I can’t stand the original Xbox controller. No matter how hard it tries the new 360 pad still carries the same issues. Yes it has shed a few pounds in weight but what is the point of a button in the middle of the pad that does nothing at all? And why have a 9ft long cable? Who sits 9ft away from their monitor?

This new pad of mine may well allow me to enjoy Mafia 2 the way I like it and play Need for Speed Hot Pursuit when it finally gets here. But why I ask cant a game on a PC be played with a pad made for a PC? Call me old fashioned but I will miss my old pad and what’s even more annoying is now that I am back at work my cold has decided to fuck off and annoy someone else. Still it could have been worse. Ruth Jones could have actually sat on my face.

This time we get on to a type of game that sometimes you almost don’t want to play – the kind of games where you enjoy it; but at the same time, you really, really don’t. It’s scary games!

Or as Steve says – Big Frightening Games! But what really makes a game scary? Can there be more to it than pure shock value?

Games covered – Resident Evil 1, Resident Evil 5, Realms of the Haunting, F.E.A.R, Penumbra: Overture, Call of Cthulu: Dark Corners of the Earth, Doom, Dead Space

It has recently been reported that, sadly, after 17 years and some 255 issues, the magazine PCZONE has finally come to an end. A few of us at the UCHG hold the mag dear to our hearts – and Fen takes a look back at it over the years.

As a long-time reader and subscriber, I’ve been reading PCZONE for many years now – the first issue I can find in my collection is #83, from December 1999; and features reviews of such epic games as The Nomad Soul, Prince of Persia 3D (wow!) and an exciting preview of Half-Life: Opposing Force.

The first magazine to be dedicated purely to gaming on the PC, it is probably largely responsible for getting me into gaming in the first place – and it has always done so with as much humour as it has with great reviews and content. Always blessed with a great staff of writers, PCZONE’s articles have never failed to entertain as well as inform – during the period I started reading the mag, Charlie Brooker was one of its reviewers, and was personally responsible for getting it pulled from shelves in the notorious case of “Helmut Werstler’s Cruelty Zoo” which featured photoshopped pics of children brutally killing animals in a tribute to, uh, Tomb Raider.

The Infamous Cruelty Zoo

I loved the vein of silliness that ran throughout PCZONE too – from stupid captions on pictures, mock-up imaginary games on the backpages (like The Fresh Prince of Persia, starring Will Smith), to the constant use of Steve Hill’s head to cover women’s boobs. Awesome.

The hardware advice was always spot-on too – for years, I based my own purchases on the recommendations on those pages, and the tips taught me that building my own PC was easy, more cost-effective and much more satisfying than a pre-built one could ever be.

Of course, it was the reviews that were the best thing about PCZONE – even when games were already out, it was always worth waiting to see what the verdict was. They were pretty much consistently an honest and reliable source: if a game was over 70%, it would be good; if it was over 80%, it was great – and over 90% meant that regardless of the genre, it really was a Classic and not to be missed; and not many games got to that status. A few blips were in there of course – like Unreal II – but it was almost completely accurate.

My PC Zone Collection

I will always have a soft spot for PCZONE – I can hardly think of any game of note without thinking of their review at the time; over the years, the mag has been with me through such gaming milestones as Deus Ex, GTA, Half Life 1 and 2, Far Cry, and, uh, Daikatana.

I’ve had an offer to transfer my subscription over to PC Gamer. I will not be renewing. I’ll be very sad to see it go; though arguably it’s been inevitable since changes in publisher and so many different editors.

However, maybe there’s hope – PC gaming is certainly not going anywhere, just ask the UCHG – and so maybe one day we’ll see a return of the gaming monolith that is PCZONE. Maybe I’ll leave you with one of my earliest memories of the mag – Charlie Brooker’s prank call to Activision about the original Quake…

The UCHG has always had a special place in its heart for platformers, and especially the lesser-known mascot for Sega – Alex Kidd. We took a look at the original Alex Kidd in Miracle World back in 2009; this time, he’s back – but in SHINOBI WORLD!

Brad picked this game up online, mentioning at the time that he’d seen someone speedrun it on youtube – and that sounded like a challenge. UCHG vs Youtube speedrun – who will win? Find out now!