The Day Ross was Lost

A few years ago now our good friend and fellow UCHG member, Ross, was lost to the filth that is World of Warcraft!

One day he simply disappeared from the Ass Monkey’s CS:Source server never to be seen again.

Reports flooded in that he had fully succumb to the diseased piece of software and only we could save him!

We struck right at the heart of the beast and immediately emailed those responsible for unleashing this God forsaken game on the world

Blizzard Entertainment

Here is the original email and response detailing our efforts to save young Ross form certain destruction.

******@blueyonder.co.uk

Sent: 8/15/2005 2:57:11 PM

To: support@blizzard.com

Subject: To whom it may concern

I realise that this is a technical support email address, but I could not find somewhere to direct Complaints to. Please forward this to the relevant people.

I must relate to you a tragic tale of a young man, a young man named Ross. The poor youth is a Canadian (though this is not his fault), but this is not the source of the problem: no indeed, it is your game – that corrupting, brain-washing, insomnia-inducing piece of software that is ‘World of Warcraft’.

Let me explain.

Before that tragic day of November 23rd, 2004 before your instrument of destruction was released upon the world (though who knows how far poor Ross’s addiction was rooted – it is rumoured he was involved in beta tests), Ross was a charming individual. A regular attendant at LAN parties, he would dutifully transport himself (and many other fellow friends and gamers) to my place of residence, where we would while away the hours playing Counter-Strike, and other such games. Good times were always had by all, and much alcohol was also consumed.Even when we went to our different Universities to continue our education, the gaming didn’t stop. Our CS playing would continue through the nights (much to the annoyance of our tutors and housemates). But then one day, one bitter day, Ross’s ‘xfire’ status showed not the usual “Playing Counter Strike”; no, not even “(afk)”. It said:

“Playing World of Warcraft”.

The hours began to mount. 10 hours a week. 20 hours. 30. 60. 120.

Nowadays he plays (or ‘Pillages’ as he calls it) for over 150 hours a week. So far he has totalled around almost 1700 hours. This amounts to over 70 days of his life. 70 days in which he has not attended LAN parties on the grounds that his “clan needs him”. Before this, the only thing that would stand between any one of us and a LAN was a death in the family. Or a hardware problem. It is this that has finally forced me to write this email. This has become not only unacceptable, but has us all fearing for poor Ross’s life. Do you realise what your game is doing to the poor man? His life, his sex-life, is being put in jeopardy. Do you want that on your conscience?

I thought not.

It is obvious to me that our poor friend Ross is addicted. He has given up his former love of drawing – he now draws only World of Warcraft fan art. He displays all symptoms of addiction: he has an uncontrollable craving, he plays the game despite the fact it is obviously causing him harm, and I have no doubt that if he were to try and stop, it would cause him physical pain. I think it would be unfair to put the blame on Ross. Indeed, ‘World of

Warcraft’ has been likened by a student of Law at De Montfort University, Leicester, UK to a cigarette addiction:

“seduced by the product, he [Ross] now pays his money and cannot stop”.[1]

My request is that you either:

a) Stop Ross’s account, ban him from all servers and allow him to continue his life

b) Send a Ross replacement, so that we may continue our LAN parties with full numbers. Please make sure this replacement is a competent CS player, and has no interest in RPG’s. Unless they are Rocket Propelled Grenades.

I sincerely hope you can honour either (or both) of my requests. A young man’s life depends on it.

Regards

Mr F. D. Curtis

_____

[1] Heaven, De Montfort Demon News, 2005 13-17

Within a few days word was sent from the enemy

From: **********@blizzard.com

Sent: 18 August 2005 01:02

To: ********@blueyonder.co.uk

Subject: Re:

Hello Mr Curtis,

If Ross has been accidentally lost or is missing, please try to find another copy of Ross from the place of purchase as soon as possible.

Just as if Ross were missing, a copy of Ross that cannot play both World of Warcraft and CS is essentially defective. If the place of purchase is not able to provide you with a complete copy of Ross, we can replace Ross per the instructions below.

Please mail in Ross’s instruction manual to the P.O. Box listed below.

If you are missing the instruction manual, you may send in some of his cloths. If you do not have either of these components, please include any used soda pop cans he may have used. A $10 US dollar money order is required for person to cover processing costs; no personal check or cash will be accepted. If it has been less than 90 days since you have purchased Ross and you include a copy of the sales receipt showing the purchase date within 90 days, the $10 fee will be waived. Please be sure to pack him as securely as possible. We are normally able to process these requests within 2 to 3 business days of receiving him from you. If you use tracking you can keep updated on when we receive it.

For all situations a note is required that explains what happened and what is needed. You will also want to include the following information in the letter:

Please type or print this information to avoid confusion.

Full Name:

Street Address:

City, State, Zip:

Country:

Phone number:

Email Address:

Here is the address to mail the items to:

Ross Replacement

Blizzard Entertainment

P.O. Box 18979

Irvine, CA 92623

PLEASE NOTE– We strongly recommend that you send your Ross materials via some form of registered service, which will allow you to track the shipment if necessary. Blizzard cannot accept responsibility for items that are lost in transit.

Thank you,

David C.

Blizzard Technical Support

After reading this news it was clear to us what needed to done.

We ordered our Ross Replacement

Let this be a warning to all! Playing World of Warcraft will force your friends to replace you.