You may well have noticed that last week the UCHG was almost overrun by a zombie horde.

This shameless and unprovoked attack was thwarted by the fact that a few days earlier the UCHG had installed anti-zombie precautions. This allowed a well executed and overtly violent defence to be mounted, repelling the attack and restoring some sort of order.

After the fighting was over it was promised that the story of how these crucial defences came to be would be told. A story of how a fear of zombie attacks, too much free time and an obsession with the “right” red would result in the ultimate form of defensive readiness.

This is Project Zombie Box.

As is often the case with great ideas it all started with a search on Google. Whilst looking up indecent images of women in compromising positions on the internet, or “researching” as it is more commonly known, an image was uncovered. It was an image so powerful it would become the spark to start a two week long inferno of painting, swearing and strange looks.

After popping into a local frame shop and bluntly asking “How much to frame this pistol?” it was clear that the internet was the best place to start. A quick search on the Bay of E and a few clicks of the mizouse later and a frame was on its way.

Now it was time to source some red paint and a trip to the hardware store was called for. It soon became apparent that Zombie Box Red is not a currently stocked colour in the Delux collection so something else would be required. After a strong minute of pacing back and forth to the nearest fire extinguisher and a few concerned looks form near by staff, it was decided that Letterbox Red was the paint to use. A quick drying one coat gloss suitable for wood, it would be perfect. So two coats and three days later it was dry and the frame was ready to use. One coat you say? Quick dry was that? Yeah! Fuck you too!

Next it was time to frost the glass. First a template was created out of vinyl and applied to the glass provide with the frame. You can buy frosted glass paint from most craft shops and once applied to your desired glass based surface it does tend to give the impression that you might just of enjoyed using it a bit too much.

Whilst the suspiciously wanky looking glass paint dried the hunt for a suitable zombie dispatching weapon was started. The weapon required had to have good range and accuracy, a large clip and most importantly it could be no longer than 22cm or else it would not fit into the frame. These requirements left the choice of either the Glock 17, the Beretta 92FS or the FN Five-seveN. All outstanding guns when it comes to whacking out zombies. However since the Five-seveN is made in Belgium, too close to France to be cool, and getting Brad to part with his beloved Glock is harder than attempting to book a gay couple into a Conservative B&B. It was down to the Beretta to fill the box.

But what bullets to use? Something heavy and dependable with deep penetration (hur hur hur) was needed. After many days of none porn related research, Hornady TAP rounds were selected for their capability to explode zombies heads and remove limbs with their excellent expansion and weight retention on impact.

After two weeks of shopping, painting and help form various bemused but extremely appreciated friends. Project Zombie Box was drawing to a close. The shooter and ammo where mounted up. The wank soaked template was removed and the whole thing screwed together. It was finished and we where ready!

Come get some Zombies!